Letter at the NY Times and an application of the Singleness Principles

Jakarta Praise Community Church had a Singleness principles when it comes to couples who wants to get marriage.

I think it’s a great principle, the Singleness principles said that a marriage is a amalgam between 2 single individuals. Single not as in unmarried or don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend; but single as in One, whole, an Individual that is he/herself is already fulfilled.

Good lasting marriage comes from people who already know themselves, know what make them fulfilled, and already achieve that fulfillment. Marriage that comes from people still in search of identity, in search of what fulfills them, expect having a spouse would fulfill them, would give them meaning, expect kids would provide the same, still haven’t found that which fulfill themselves, will result in broken marriages. Broken not as in divorced, but broken as in the marriage brings no joy or blessing to it’s participant or their offsprings.

So, good marriage comes when people who are totally OK if they have to spend their life by themselves, choose to spend their life together.

This principles is rarely enacted by most couples, I don’t know about the pattern in US or other countries, but in Indonesia, most people I know are rushing themselves to marriage, pursuing a deadline that others say exist. I think the only plausible deadline is the biological timeline for woman, since some research indicates that the risk to the baby and mother increases as the mother pass certain age when producing the baby.

So, it’s interesting to see how a real life example of this principles unearthed by another person living halfway around the globe.

The NY Times had an article discussing late age divorce “The 40-Year Itch”, and one of the letter responding to this article says the following:

“To the Editor:

As a 50-something woman who celebrated my 25th anniversary of marriage this year, I was profoundly saddened to read Deirdre Bair’s article. To understand what made some marriages fall apart, she should have also talked to some of us whose marriages stayed together — especially the women, as she says they initiate many more of the late-life splits.

My hunch: Too many of these women got married before they really knew who they were. That’s why, at this point in their lives, they want “freedom” and “control.”

I see too many women who went from their parents’ worlds to their spouses’, without any “me” time in between. A woman — or a man — needs to get to know who “me” really is before one can truly commit to being “we.”

Shari Sims
Rye Brook, N.Y., June 4, 2010″

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